September 11th, 2001

I’ll never forget it.

I was in the 6th grade.

I think I was in another class at the time and out of nowhere over the intercom everybody got sent back to their homerooms. I was in Mrs. Robinson’s class…

When we came in the classroom, the “sash” that separated two classrooms was open and the T.V. was on.

Everybody sat down in their seats at turend to look at the T. V. All I could see were two identical tall buildings with thick, dark gray smoke curling endlessly from them…and then close-ups of people…falling (jumping) from the buildings.

We all watched the screen transfixed, and the teachers were all visibly upset but I had no idea what was happening.

We ended up getting sent home early that day…and once I got home, I came in to ALL the T.V.s in the house being on and flashing those same disturbing images as what I saw in school.

All the lights were on in the house for some reason too. I went upstairs to watch with my mom, and my aunt and pop-pop were downstairs watching in the living room. The days and weeks that followed were filled with uneasiness and fear…

It feels so strange being a classroom 16 years later hearing a teacher describe the events of that day to little children who weren’t even thought of then.

Very strange indeed…

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Artist’s Block #1

Art keeps calling me…beckoning me to fall between the sheets of sketchbook paper…rolling across the surface of a canvas bed, wanting me to soak the surface with passion and paint…but I can’t lie down here.

My heart is frozen in a state of fear and self-denial. I’m gazing out the window, chasing after things that are outside of myself and my natural element. Art calls regardless.

I can feel its phantom touch caress my Imagination, and wild images of us flash by in my Mind’s Eye…but for some reason it won’t translate in the physical.

How do I stop this? How do I change this? How do I allow myself to free-fall into the arms of my lover again?

Art. Loyalty like no other. How could I betray this figure who’s been there since the very beginning?

How do I ground myself in the comfort of creation again? It feels like I’ve lost touch…

Blocked.

Where do I go from here?

 

Questions & Revelations

Appearance_of_sky_for_weather_forecast,_Dhaka,_Bangladesh

Precious One,

You’re still on site. You’re still living amongst the wreckage of the plane crash. You thought there were no survivors because you looked up and saw that you were alone. The man who was on board with you got out using his parachute LONG before the plane even took that nosedive. The very same parachute he told you about before you even boarded the flight….that night. The very same night your Spirit beckoned you to grab your parachute too and RUN OFF on foot…but you went AGAINST that instinct.

Therefore you betrayed yourself.

Therefore you broke your own Heart.

Therefore you caused your own death.

Or at least, it WOULD’VE been your death if it wasn’t for the intervening of the Ancestors.

The plane did plummet from the sky…..the plane did break apart and explode on impact, but you somehow survived. Badly burned, badly scarred, barely breathing but you were alive all the same. The Ancestors protected you, yes. but not from EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING. There WAS pain that needed to be felt, you were knocked unconscious, but you LIVED.

So why are you still living here amongst the wreckage? Are you hoping that he will one day come looking for you? Are you hoping to ride away together by sea instead? I’m telling you something…but it’s nothing you don’t already know: He’s not coming. Nobody is coming. He’s already on the other side of the world. He took another flight out with another and touched down into his new reality of completion and fulfillment.

What about you now?

Your body has healed almost completely at this point, you appear to be totally functional but you’re still somehow living amongst the wreckage. I’m calling this to your attention because you go through your everyday life….just “fine.”

You booked and took another flight with someone new. You’re currently under a bit of turbulence but the ride has been overall beautiful so far.

But everywhere you look every now and then, you see HIM…at least, someone who REMINDS you of him.

And in an instant you’re transported right back to the scene of the plane crash. It happens so easily, so quickly. TOO EASILY. TOO QUICKLY. That’s means you’re still THERE. Precious One, WHY are you still rolling and tumbling and thrashing around in the debris of the crash of that pilot-less plane?

That loveless flight?

That delusional trip?

Why, my Firefly, are you still here?

Ⓒ 2016 K. N. Dozier. All rights reserved.

Chanm Lensomni #1

“Did you miss me?” he asked in a hushed tone as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled his nose into her hair.

“Not as much as you hoped I would,” she scoffed in reply. “Obviously you didn’t miss me very much at all.”

“Hey now,” he said, sounding genuinely taken aback. “I’m not the one who walked away. That was your choice, remember? I sat up long, lonely nights waiting for you to come back.” He pulled his head back and cocked it to the side to gaze at his beloved’s face, but her thick, kinky hair blocked his view.

“Oh no,” she snapped, suddenly wiggling away from his touch. “No, no, no! You are not about to sit here and play the Guilt Trip Game with me. Not for the bullshit. Not today.

“Aww, girl, I’m not here to argue with you. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, either. I’m just saying…”

He sidled up to her on the other side of the room where she had retreated. “You really didn’t have to leave. I missed you.”

His dark brown gaze penetrated hers, and she could feel him slipping through the windows to her quietly quivering soul.

He swept down upon her so suddenly she didn’t have time to react. The next thing she knew, she was surrounded by a solid but gentle kind of warmth and her face was pressed snugly against his chest. 

She felt relaxed, safe and at ease, even if these feelings were against her will; that was simply the effect of a hug like this.

One of those Brown Sugar kind of hugs. There was simply no escaping.

“You never answered my question, sweet lady,” he continued, now stroking the small of her back. “I said did you miss me?”

The only thing that pulled her attention away from the moisture that appeared from nowhere between her legs, was the smoldering sensation at the top of her head, which told her that he was staring a hole through her skull, through all seven of her chakras and straight down past the hardwood floor.

Did she dare look up?

Her mind screamed no, but her heart whispered–

“Yes?”

His voice, daring to complete her thoughts sent her face snapping upward to look at him.

“W-what?”

“Your answer,” he returned smoothly. “From all this silence, I assume the answer is without a doubt, ‘ Yes.’ Yes, you missed me.”

Yes, she did miss him. Those dark, mysterious eyes; that velvet chestnut skin…did he need to know that though?

Right now, at that?

Her mind screamed no, but her heart whispered…

 

© 2016 K. N. Dozier. All rights reserved.

 

Where’d You Go?

WINDOW

“Oh baby, where’d you go? I need you here with me…”

Lying awake in this bed once again, I’m so lonely without you. These visions I have in my head just won’t fade and I don’t know what to do. At the risk of sounding like a sad 90s R&B song, I can’t help but imagine you in the arms of some starry-eyed mystery woman… And I wonder….is her hair, skin, lips, touch softer than mine? Better than mine? Does her love run a little deeper? Have you decided to keep her? Or does she…even exist at all?

 

 

© 2015 K. N. Dozier. All Rights Reserved.

1

I watch your body’s movement

Its language I’m so attuned to

Your eyelashes lower suggestively

And I get caught up inside…

A sensation I can never seem to get used to

The warmth of your gentle fingers

Caressing me

Graceful and full of meaning

I become so overwhelmed with passion

Seeking my Soul deep in your arms

I know that this is only the beginning

But why do I keep fearing

Fearing for the end?

 

© 2015 K. N. Dozier. All rights reserved.

4:44 a.m.

How many songs can you sing to me about rain?

Do you count each drop that glides down your windowpane?

Or do you let the sound sink in until you drift away into a dream where it’s just you, your Inner Nature, and the applauding Heavens?

© 2015 K. N. Dozier. All rights reserved.

A Summer Sunday

Nia thought that there couldn’t possibly be any end to the enchantment of nature’s glory under the sun. How very right she was. Feeling the sensation of fresh, warm emerald green grass underneath her bare feet as she skipped through the field made her giggle like a little child, feeling even more alive.

Her caramel complexion was now sun-kissed to a deeper burnt sienna, and her large, thick, tightly-coiled Afro bounced with just as much joy.

Vibrant flowers of all different hues seemed to lean up towards her in the gentle summer breeze, as if begging her to pick them, make a wreath of them and place it on her head. If such a thing was the flowers’ request, Nia was more than happy to oblige.

How long has it been since she’s felt this free? When was the last time she truly felt at peace? At ease? Her worries melted away as she found her special place out in the large expanse of field and flung herself happily backward onto a cool patch of grass under the shade of her favorite oak tree.

© 2015 K. N. Dozier. All Rights Reserved.

Girl Talk

31

— Girl, why do you keep chasin’ after that man like a lost puppy who thinks it’s found its owner? If he wanted you, he woulda at LEAST noticed you by now.

— Girlfriend, who do you think you foolin’? All those love letters you keep writing….and NEVER sending. *snickers* Lord KNOWS desperation wasn’t a trait He crafted in the First Man…OR Woman.

— Girl, you keep singin’ the same sad song while your tall, fine, Black knight just walks on by, tone deaf and icy.

— Girlfriend, did you forget? WOMEN can be thirsty too, and you’re lookin’ QUENCHED!

— Girl, um…are you LISTENIN’ to us? You got that silly look on your face again–you know, the one that tells us you AIN’T listenin’.

–Aw, come on, girlfriend. You KNOW we love you and we only got your best interests at heart. That means US telling YOU that HE is NOT interested in YOUR heart.

(they burst out into raucous cackles)

–Yeah, girl! We’re trying to SAVE you from yourself! You don’t need another embarrassment to add to your love life experience. Remember the LAST TIME???

–Girlfriend, look…somebody that fine probably already GOT somebody. Wake up!

–Girl, let’s forget about him. We’ve got some red wine and rocky road–let’s get it!

–Girlfriend, we DEFINITELY needed to have this talk. Now I feel so much better since we’ve talked you back into your senses. Pass me that bottle real quick….

–Girl, I’ll grab the bowls and spoons…!

But SHE never got the chance to utter a single word.

© 2015 K. N. Dozier. All Rights Reserved.