Whatdoes it take to protect my Heart? What does it take to ensure the safety of the Love of my life? How far will this go before I realize it’s too late to turn back? Why do you fear your potential? Why do I? Why do we let these machines take hold of our Minds, possess us and consume us? How far will this go before you realize…?
When’s the last time you were excited about YOURSELF?
It’s Sunday, I’m here ALIVE and WELL…BLISSFUL and AT PEACE…OPEN and EXCITED…about MYSELF. Self-Discovery is an on-going process and an on-going journey, as we all know, and I have been constantly reminded of this. By friends, family, Elders, loved ones, and especially even by MYSELF.
I mean, when you think about it, it’s ALL SO SIMPLE (even though at times it can really FEEL like it’s NOT in any way whatsoever)…but when my Mind is clear, and I can objectively look at all the things in my life, within myself and without…I can see and so I say to myself, “Yo….it really WASN’T that deep. It was neeevvverrrr that DEEP after all! I’ve been over here trippin’ and stressin’ myself out for NO REASON.” It’s one of those “AHA!” moments, if you will.
So right now, with ALL that’s been going on…I can see now that I am TRULY loved by the Most High. My Mother Father Creator Divine (that’s what I call the Creator ❤ ). Maybe this doesn’t sound so profound to you as you read this, but I cannot stress ENOUGH how profound it really IS. For myself, and for whoever else has this “Aha!” moment, this moment of clarity. That moment when the Sun rays suddenly break through the clouds that have been clinging to the sky casting everything beneath it into grayness ALL DAY LONG in a magnificent, heavenly display of gold. (Ok, I’m doing the most but THAT is how it feels!) See, I have ALWAYS had my moments when I could see and feel and WITNESS the love of the Most High so CLEARLY, but there have also been other times when I could feel myself slipping away and messing up and THAT is when things get ugly. Oh-so VERY UGLY.
But as soon as that little (or big) spell is over…and I’m flying high again, I can see, appreciate, and therefore better maintain the HIGH VIBRATIONS and POSITIVITY. And I’m improving on this more and more everyday! 😀 So with that being said, I am SO, SO, SOOOOO EXCITED about MYSELF! Meaning, I’m am EAGER on this Path of Know Thy Self. I just want to know the TRUTH. I’m out to discover COMPLETELY WHO I AM, WHERE I’M FROM, WHAT I’M MADE OF…I am here for my AUTHENTIC POWER. I’m well on my way, I’ve learned so much already….but again, this is ONLY the BEGINNING.
Speaking of authentic power, I would like to share with you a book I’m am currently reading. My Grandmother told me to read this book, actually.
Funny story about this book, actually. You see, there’s this place in Southwest Philly called A-Space on 47th & Baltimore. This place is KNOWN for having free books outside of its establishment. No, seriously. On any given day, at AT TIME, you’ll see tables and sometimes SHELVES of books (also clothes, movies, CDs, DVDs, etc) outside for ANYBODY to come by, look through it and take what they want. It’s FREE! It’s a beautiful thing, really. (SOMETIMES though, the people who work there do sell certain books and other items during the day at very low prices, but overall…the place is FREE. 24/7. You could LITERALLY go there at 3 o’clock in the morning and grab yourself a book or a CD and just keep it moving! It works the other way around too. Instead of throwing things away, if there are any clothes, shoes, books, movies, music, etc. that you don’t want anymore, you can just pack it up and leave it right there in front of A-Space. Nice and neat). I remember when I first told my big brother Phil about this place. He was NOT trying to hear that at first! He wanted NO PARTS of the place! He was CONVINCED it was a set-up somehow and that it would be considered stealing, someone would come after us, blah blah. Ha, ha, HAAAA! 😀 But no, it’s not like that.
ANYWAY, back to the story. Every time I would even walk past A-Space, I would almost ALWAYS end up walking away with a book or two (or five!). Well, one day, I was walking down Baltimore Avenue, and I was on the opposite side of the street from A-Space. At this point, I was trying to kind of wean myself off of A-Space, telling myself, “Look, I do NOT have to get a book EVERY SINGLE TIME I walk past this place! No!” I tried to stay on this side of the street but something literally PULLED me across the street. It was like a magnetic pulling inside my gut, if that makes any sense.
So, I crossed the street and walked up to the table in front of A-Space that I always go to. There were two other people looking at books and things on the table, too, but my eyes instantly fell on the cover of this book. It said, “HEART of the SOUL.” In that moment, I KNEW that THIS was the book I was here for. This book chose ME. It called out to ME. So without a second wasted, I scooped the book up and kept on walking, feeling accomplished. THAT was why I was there! 😀 No lie, I felt like Harry Potter for a quick second: “The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter.” 😀 ❤ Ok, OK, I’m hype…I KNOW. 😉
You see, as far as BOOKS…I’m currently building my library. I mean, I’ve ALWAYS loved books, from my very first book all the way up to NOW. I devoured books for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack!Ha, ha! But seriously, now that I’m older, in the beginning stages of my adult life, and ever since I’ve started to come into awareness of bigger, more important things (those things being of a SPIRITUAL nature), I’m now building a library of the RELEVANT books in such areas. That is, Spirituality. SPECIFICALLY, AFRICAN SPIRITUALITY. I’m returning to WHO I AM.
So if you know me, you know that I am NOTORIOUS for buying books upon books upon books because I LOVE to collect them! I love to READ them! I have a HUGE affinity for books in a series! I will never disrespect the book by letting it collect dust! Ha, ha! But at THIS point, again, with the subject changes in the books I get for myself…I really DO need to SLOW DOWN. Ha, ha. So, like I said, my GRANDMOTHER told me what book to read right now because I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off stressing out over something as small as, “OH MY GOD! So many books! So much information! I need to know it for myself so can apply it! But WHICH ONE DO I READ FIRST?!?!?!”
NAH. My Grandma shut that ALL DOWNNE. Because again, it was NEEEEVERRR that DEEEEEP! Ha, ha. She actually told me four books to read in a specific order. As such:
The HEART of the SOUL by Gary Zukav & Linda Francis
HEAL THYSELF by Queen Afua
The Book of Yogaby ??? (There’s no author listed. I got this book from Five Below)
Soul Healing Miracles by Dr. & Master Zhi Gang Sha
So that’s THAT, right? It SHOULD be, and so it IS. We ALL have to put in the work…the RIGHT Work, in order to fulfill our Destinies and Purposes in this lifetime here on Earth.
So just walk your OWN Path, with all its twists and turns, bumps and lumps, hills and downward slopes….move at your OWN PACE, but NEVER, EVER STOP and GIVE UP. That Path is YOURS. Now WALK.
Here I sit on this bus, just riding throughout the city, taking as much pleasure in the Sunlight as I can since it’ll be setting soon. That, and the chem trails are starting to filter out the Sun rays. Anyway, I am currently reading The Mis-Education of the Negro by Carter G. Woodson. It’s been a LONG time coming because ever since I’ve embarked on this journey of “Know Thy Self,” I’ve heard and seen this book mentioned plenty of times. I just never got around to buying it and reading it myself.
Well, that quickly changed last night.
I’ll tell you how I came to finally get this book in another entry, but the point is…as I’ve started reading the first few pages, I’ve come across a few words that I don’t know the meaning of. Luckily, I’ve brought my dictionary along (YES, I’m carrying the entire MERRIAM-WEBSTER dictionary around in my bookbag!), so as I looked up each word that stumped me, I got to thinking…
Thinking and remembering.
Back in high school…I had this one teacher. She was an African Woman. Her name was Dr. Oguneyle (I HIGHLY DOUBT I spelled that right), but everyone called her Dr. O for short since we’d all butcher the pronounciation of her name, too.
She was my English teacher, and I remember how much we all DESPISED her because of the “overwhelming” workload she’d give us pretty much every single day!
She took vocabulary lists to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL: she’d have us copy the (long-ass) list of words down from the chalkboard into our notebooks, then for homework we had to look up the definition of each word, copy down ALL the definitions under each word entry, copy down the parts of speech, copy the ETYMOLOGY of the words that were in those brackets right BEFORE the definition (we were REQUIRED to have a dictionary that included the word etymology), AND write our OWN sentences for each word!
We HATED this woman for torturing us so! We’d sit in our groups and quietly complain to one another and insult her under our breath so she couldn’t hear us…ha, ha…yeah.
She’d just DRILL these things into us–how important it is for us to have an extensive vocabulary, literacy, etc.
Well, the point is…as I sit here and look up each word I don’t know (something I’ve ALWAYS done, even as a child, though not as far as the etymology until I had Dr. O) Dr. O comes to Mind…and what I couldn’t see or understand THEN, I do NOW.
Dr. O was an African Woman, who was a teacher at a public school in the ‘hood, teaching an English course to young African students…she KNEW what was out there in the world. She KNEW we weren’t TRULY getting a proper education in these schools or in this education system.
She KNEW the setup of racism, White Supremacy, capitalism, etc. She KNEW, and so she PUSHED us. She wanted US to be the start of the young generation who’d blossom up knowing BETTER, knowing OURSELVES, knowing our MISSION…even if only through teaching us this one English course.
I didn’t see, COULDN’T see…I didn’t understand, and so I didn’t appreciate what she was doing. All I know is…I wish I could see Dr. O NOW. I wish I could contact her TODAY, because I’d tell her ALL that I feel right now. Even though she didn’t stay at my school, I would thank her ENDLESSLY for what she’s done in her teaching us, pushing us and wanting better for us, GENUINELY.
I’d tell her all about my personal journey so far, the things I’ve learned and experienced, etc…I would thank her for sparking my Natural Curiosity FURTHER and embedding in me a love for the HISTORY and ORIGINS of words. I want to thank her for being one of the people who made me open my eyes, shift my views and REALIZE the STATE of MYSELF, my PEOPLE and how education plays such a MAJOR role in it all.
Yes…every time I look up a word I don’t know, I think of my 9th grade English teacher, Dr. O.