WARRIOR of LIGHT

Where Have You Been?: Let. It. OUT.

It’s been a loooooong time, huh?

Well, after an inspiring conversation with another fellow creative and blogger, after being reminded of my old presence online in blogs I cherished in my own way, after thinking back on how a few loyal readers reached out and said they missed my posts, after remembering the joy of creating happily for myself and others around the world….

A quiet return.

And a story.

To say that 2017 has been a challenging year is an absolute INSULT of an understatement. The Omniverse decided to waltz right on in and say, “Hm, let’s shake things up for Way this year…SHAKE HER UP AND SHAKE HER HARD! Make her feel like the world is ending! Make her feel like there’s no way out of any of this! Make her have breakdown after breakdown to see if she’ll get up again and remember that she’s a Child of the Most High with POWER!” Honestly! That’s exactly how it felt! Literally from January all the way up to this very moment as I type, my life has been nothing but back-to-back-to-back drama in my world! It’s been GOOD, BAD, UGLY, and BEYOND!

smilefrown

An old friendship-turned-relationship for the “new year” (GOOD); a miscarriage soon after (BAD); no real chance to release or heal from said miscarriage despite being sent home from work by a caring and understanding boss for X amount of time to do just that (though I eventually tried through poetry), plus turning around and falling terribly ill with something resembling the flu but not quite the flu therefore missing an A WHOLE ‘NOTHER WEEK of work (UGLY); a few weeks later, find out another baby has been planted because of ill-informed, unprotected comforting/mourning sex (BEYOND)!

*EXHALES SHARPLY* YES. All that and this was only January and February. Need I go on?

I could, but there are certain parts I’m not comfortable with sharing yet…maybe one day. Maybe in a blog. Maybe in a speech. Maybe in a book…maybe never at all…but surely, not today. So skipping ahead a bit…

Boyfriend and I stand strong and maintain together as an unbreakable team no matter what (GOOD); ALL the wonderful savings for my own apartment spent on immediate needs (BAD); one of my two job positions has been eliminated (actually “disallowing one person to fill two positions at the same time” is what actually happened) because the place of business has nothing else better to do (UGLY); on top of all that…the newest one in the place (me) is also the “weakest link” (budget-wise)–so, GOODBYE! Can you say “forced transfer?” (BEYOND)! What else could possibly happen?

PLENTY. Again…that’s a tale for another day. Maybe.

But it hasn’t been ALL bad…I’m no tragic little damsel.

Our families and friends have been well-receiving of the news of the baby complete with a baby shower in the works (though NO ONE knows about my Lost One…unless they were to chance upon this entry somehow); despite the forced transfer, I got my FIRST CHOICE site selection; despite months of a dry spell of creative works (visual arts, writing, basic everyday journaling, etc.), I’m slowly but surely getting back up and stepping into my joy and routine again; I’m piecing myself back together and settling into myself and my power of Self-Care, etc. I have a strong support circle, and most importantly I’m STILL HERE…

And so to answer the Omniverse: YES, I HAVE in fact remembered that I’m a Child of the Most High with POWER.

This may sound like a quick, cheesy ending to a story but this is FAR from the end. The truth is, I’ve been musing over this entry for a couple of hours now, believe it or not, all while listening to some Mos Def and talking to baby bouncing around in the womb. But now the boyfriend has come home from work and I’m hungry, so…yeah. (^_^)

All in all, it feels great to break the ice and return. I do feel a little bit lighter with this brief update.

Poetry and creative writings are on the way!

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Poetry

Inner-Stirrings of the Soul

My body is YEARNING for movement.
Limbs so long, always cramped up
In tight spaces
From being in too-small places
No one could ever understand the pain
In all my years of hiding in shame
From the teasing and torment…
spiraling down in a mutation to SELF-LOATHING…
And spending many years climbing back up
Many MORE years remembering that I have wings..
The truth of the matter is…
I just want to DANCE.

© 2017 K. N. Dozier. All rights reserved.

 

Poetry

QUESTions

Darling,
When are you going to
Get that pressure and pain
Up off your back?
Why do you insist that it be there?
When the Most High paves the way
And the Ancestors guide you,
Why do you choose to stray?
And when will you stop running from yourself
Running from your True, Highest Self
Only to run INTO yourself
and further hurt yourself?
Falling?
No.
Darling,
You are so much MORE than that
So much more than FEAR
Your Destiny is unfolding before you yet So Sweet Child…
I ask…
When are you going to
Get that pressure and pain
Up off your back?
Take a deep breath, dive in,
and Set your Self FREE.

~”QUESTions”

Just a small note-to-Self that turned into a poem. ❤

© 2017 K. N. Dozier. All rights reserved.

Poetry

When the Inevitable Comes Knocking Again

After that last word was written,
Envelope sealed,
I felt myself be lifted
Up from my body, where I stare blankly down at myself
As I move now without thought…
My Mind is a million miles away
My eyes are dry but threaten to breaststroke
And the shards of my Heart are
Raining down, invisible.

 
© 2016 K. N. Dozier. All rights reserved.

It Was Written...

Questions & Revelations

Appearance_of_sky_for_weather_forecast,_Dhaka,_Bangladesh

Precious One,

You’re still on site. You’re still living amongst the wreckage of the plane crash. You thought there were no survivors because you looked up and saw that you were alone. The man who was on board with you got out using his parachute LONG before the plane even took that nosedive. The very same parachute he told you about before you even boarded the flight….that night. The very same night your Spirit beckoned you to grab your parachute too and RUN OFF on foot…but you went AGAINST that instinct.

Therefore you betrayed yourself.

Therefore you broke your own Heart.

Therefore you caused your own death.

Or at least, it WOULD’VE been your death if it wasn’t for the intervening of the Ancestors.

The plane did plummet from the sky…..the plane did break apart and explode on impact, but you somehow survived. Badly burned, badly scarred, barely breathing but you were alive all the same. The Ancestors protected you, yes. but not from EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING. There WAS pain that needed to be felt, you were knocked unconscious, but you LIVED.

So why are you still living here amongst the wreckage? Are you hoping that he will one day come looking for you? Are you hoping to ride away together by sea instead? I’m telling you something…but it’s nothing you don’t already know: He’s not coming. Nobody is coming. He’s already on the other side of the world. He took another flight out with another and touched down into his new reality of completion and fulfillment.

What about you now?

Your body has healed almost completely at this point, you appear to be totally functional but you’re still somehow living amongst the wreckage. I’m calling this to your attention because you go through your everyday life….just “fine.”

You booked and took another flight with someone new. You’re currently under a bit of turbulence but the ride has been overall beautiful so far.

But everywhere you look every now and then, you see HIM…at least, someone who REMINDS you of him.

And in an instant you’re transported right back to the scene of the plane crash. It happens so easily, so quickly. TOO EASILY. TOO QUICKLY. That’s means you’re still THERE. Precious One, WHY are you still rolling and tumbling and thrashing around in the debris of the crash of that pilot-less plane?

That loveless flight?

That delusional trip?

Why, my Firefly, are you still here?

Ⓒ 2016 K. N. Dozier. All rights reserved.

After Hours..., It Was Written...

Chanm Lensomni #1

“Did you miss me?” he asked in a hushed tone as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled his nose into her hair.

“Not as much as you hoped I would,” she scoffed in reply. “Obviously you didn’t miss me very much at all.”

“Hey now,” he said, sounding genuinely taken aback. “I’m not the one who walked away. That was your choice, remember? I sat up long, lonely nights waiting for you to come back.” He pulled his head back and cocked it to the side to gaze at his beloved’s face, but her thick, kinky hair blocked his view.

“Oh no,” she snapped, suddenly wiggling away from his touch. “No, no, no! You are not about to sit here and play the Guilt Trip Game with me. Not for the bullshit. Not today.

“Aww, girl, I’m not here to argue with you. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, either. I’m just saying…”

He sidled up to her on the other side of the room where she had retreated. “You really didn’t have to leave. I missed you.”

His dark brown gaze penetrated hers, and she could feel him slipping through the windows to her quietly quivering soul.

He swept down upon her so suddenly she didn’t have time to react. The next thing she knew, she was surrounded by a solid but gentle kind of warmth and her face was pressed snugly against his chest. 

She felt relaxed, safe and at ease, even if these feelings were against her will; that was simply the effect of a hug like this.

One of those Brown Sugar kind of hugs. There was simply no escaping.

“You never answered my question, sweet lady,” he continued, now stroking the small of her back. “I said did you miss me?”

The only thing that pulled her attention away from the moisture that appeared from nowhere between her legs, was the smoldering sensation at the top of her head, which told her that he was staring a hole through her skull, through all seven of her chakras and straight down past the hardwood floor.

Did she dare look up?

Her mind screamed no, but her heart whispered–

“Yes?”

His voice, daring to complete her thoughts sent her face snapping upward to look at him.

“W-what?”

“Your answer,” he returned smoothly. “From all this silence, I assume the answer is without a doubt, ‘ Yes.’ Yes, you missed me.”

Yes, she did miss him. Those dark, mysterious eyes; that velvet chestnut skin…did he need to know that though?

Right now, at that?

Her mind screamed no, but her heart whispered…

 

© 2016 K. N. Dozier. All rights reserved.

 

Poetry

Fantasy

You are stuck in the reality of nightmares…
But I prefer fantasy.
You are sad, strange and deluded
But I prefer fantasy.
You are all science and methods and technical jargon
But I prefer fantasy.
I prefer…
Fantasy.
Magic spun quietly,
Threaded between the stars
Matching the interwoven spirals
Of my DNA.
I prefer fantasy,
Can’t you see?
Rituals and precious jewels,
I got the Hoodoo
to the Voodoo
in my Juju.
Mojo on point
Fantasy in my mind
I prefer
Candles in all colors
Chants and mudras
The word of the stars and planets
Ancestors and altars,
Umbilini activation,
Dances with nature,
Journals and journeys to worlds unseen
But ALWAYS felt,
ALWAYS present.
I prefer fantasy over horror
Spirits over ghosts
Guardians over ghouls
I prefer fantasy…
Can’t you see?
All the things ever hidden from me
I prefer fantasy…
The Truth needs no defense
The Truth cares not about your hurt feelings…
Darkness is…..
Darkness does….
Love….Light.
“Fantasy…”
Everything you dread and fear
Is very REAL to me.
Most intellects do not believe in God but
I prefer…
I prefer…
I prefer…

© 2016 K. N. Dozier. All Rights Reserved.

(Ayyyyyyyy, this is my first poem of 2016! 😉)

 

After Hours..., Poetry

Rock Witchu: A Beginning

I can sense the excitement bubbling inside of you

Summer nights,

Fireflies,

Full moons and the potential of romance.

 

Life is so wonderful, in full bloom

So if it’s cool, I wanna rock witchu

This vibe is so mellow,

So smooth….

 

I’m enchanted by your tenderness,

Those brown eyes, those soft lips

Pressed against my cheek

And I whisper to you,

“There’s no place I’d rather be,

And in my dreams

All I’ve been asking for is you…”

So if it’s cool, I wanna rock witchu…

This vibe is so mellow,

So smooth…